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Wed, 22 May 2013 00:12:38 -0400

"1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It..."

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:12:16 -0400

“

1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.

2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.

3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed- you will think about the bus again.

4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.

5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.

6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.

7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.

8. When you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.

9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.

10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.

Live. Live.

Live.

Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up.

”

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Wed, 22 May 2013 00:09:37 -0400

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Wed, 22 May 2013 00:08:09 -0400

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:07:30 -0400

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Wed, 22 May 2013 00:06:58 -0400

i know we were just friends, but you really meant the world to...

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:06:36 -0400

i know we were just friends, but you really meant the world to me until you left me waiting. waiting for you to talk to me after that time we said, but i didn’t think would be, our last good byes. i told you how i missed you and that i wanted to see you more and you just stood there. looking at me with those brown, sparkling eyes of yours, sighing. sighing as if someone had just told you, you had one day left to live. you were hopeless and pathetic. not knowing how to respond to that, i just brushed it off my shoulders and left you. my last words being “see you soon, text me”. hoping i would see you soon, i didn’t. it was if you had left me to live on my own. to figure out what our friendship had come to on my own, without your help. you left me waiting, hoping, and wishing you would text me. like i asked you to that time i said see you soon. but when i ran out the door that day, i didn’t realize that “see you soon”, meant “our friendship is over”. because if i would have known that, i would have never left. i would have stood there until i had gotten a response, until i knew your thought when you did that long sigh. i dont know if i did anything wrong to deserve this silent treatment, but i loved you as a friend with my whole heart and i will never lose that love i have for you. i guess now this means that things are rocky in our relationship? not even that. never mind that, they are non- existent. they are the numbing pain i feel every time someone mentions your name or when i see your pictures pop up on my newsfeed. they remind me that i should have never left, i should have never gone, and i should have trusted my head over my heart that day. because our friendship has been just rocky from the get go. not moving forward, nor back. just motionless. paralyzed. and unspoken of.

So badass. I want to be in this music video.

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:58:44 -0400

So badass. I want to be in this music video.

I think—I think when it’s all over,It just comes...

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:47:24 -0400

I think—I think when it’s all over,
It just comes back in flashes, you know?
It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories.
It just all comes back. But he never does.
I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen.
It’s not really anything he said or anything he did,
It was the feeling that came along with it.
And the crazy thing is I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel that way again.
But I don’t know if I should.
I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright.
But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?
Maybe he knew that when he saw me.
I guess I just lost my balance.
I think that the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him.
It was losing me.

i always push people away. i dont know why, its what i do best....

Tue, 14 May 2013 23:57:49 -0400

i always push people away. i dont know why, its what i do best. i am guarded with many layers and walls. i desire people in my life so much, but once this desire starts to become fulfilled i deny i ever wanted anything to do with someone. its this fear i have. i fear that i will trust them and fall into another trap and get hurt. i fear that they wont like me for who i am so i put on masks. i dont want anyone to see my identity because ive let my guard down too many times and it has always ended up a mess. i want to love others for who they are, but everyone is too human for my liking.

Tue, 14 May 2013 23:04:32 -0400

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Tue, 14 May 2013 22:54:22 -0400

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Tue, 14 May 2013 22:53:32 -0400